Appreciation with intent

I attended the memorial of a friend a bit ago, someone I had, in reflection, underestimated our whole friendship. I learned many interesting things about him at his memorial, how he liked a wide variety of music and liked to play pranks (such silly pranks!). I shared with those present that because he was a calm person, I thought he was passive. Because he was nice I sometimes thought he was not so passionate. Because he was patient, I perceived him sometimes as a pushover.

What is wrong with me?

In thinking about this over on the long drive home, listening to the musical Chess which we had once seen together (granted, a really lousy production of it, but still) I started to broaden the thoughts of under appreciation. Lew loved the environment, and I started to realize I under-value maybe more than my friends.

Mother Earth is nice. She shelters us and gives us quite freely so many resources. Does this make her less passionate or focused? No.

Mother Earth is patient, and quite slow in revealing many of her plans or when we are pushing her in the wrong direction. Does this mean she is a pushover? Certainly not.

The one thing she is often, but not always, is calm. When she is calm, we just go along, not even realizing she exists. When she blows, she blows big, with storms that we consider cataclysmic or violent changes that we see as destructive killers. Maybe to her, in her loooong view and vast understanding of time these are mere sneezes or shoulder shrugs, not intended to cause harm…just needed adjustments. Maybe they are purposeful displays, scratches of an annoying itch, or racking coughs signifying a serious cold. Regardless, even when she is calm, she is not passive.

So with this strange comparison, I realize I maybe underestimate the earth and her influences, just as I underestimated Lew’s skills and solid, present, giving nature. When we lose a friend we then take the time to assess what we know, and we find regrets and joys. And this assessment can, at the least, be a small, hopefully influential wake-up call resulting in better treatment of friends for awhile. Perhaps.

My reflection makes me realize I should pay more attention to Mother Earth’s influences everywhere, for I take them for granted. The i-pad I’m typing on uses electricity created from (in NY) water power, wind, sun and still some coal. It houses many metals and plastics, derived from mined resources or (hopefully) re-manufactured in some part from existing recycled manufacturing feed stock. I’m sitting waiting for my sushi, knowing only that the salmon was farmed and the rice imported, but I don’t know where the seaweed wraps, wasabi or ginger slices were made, or where the veggies were farmed. I know it is 80 degrees outside and yet I am comfortable, even slightly chilled in this restaurant.

How do I take the next step? How do I transfer my moment of guilty conscience about my lack of appreciation of Lew into a growth in appreciation for my friends near and far? How do I take this moment of broad reflection about our Earth and all she offers and show better appreciation for my environment? I know it is in the appreciation of something that we begin to plan with it in mind and to take care of it well for a long connection. We al need to do this if our future is to be manageable. I know I have to figure out how to appreciate, see, and understand more. I don’t have an answer.

Maybe this will have to come in many little ways, like our work in sustainability,  It will be a forced set of moments at first, maybe with each cup of coffee a few seconds to recognize the friendship of my environment or with each book I finish on my Kindle a note to myself about the environmental support network that gives me such an amazing, vibrant and comfortable life.

Lew, I am sorry for underestimating you. It is not a poor reflection on you, but on my impatience and the speed at which I tend to move through and past moments with friends. I visit in short bursts; I hug quickly and walk away; I try to help when things are rocky, but usually end it with “call me if you need me”. The burden is then left with the friends, not taken with me. I hope I do learn a bit from losing you, and I intend you to see me in the next few months and years making strides small and then larger and learning to see more and then finally to appreciate more.

Thanks for teaching me, even when you are gone.

Jodi

 

 

 

 

 

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